Paralyzed Parent.....

I remember being a little girl and having sleep overs and getting dropped off at the roller skating rink on a Friday night. Many great memories are from these nights.... Nights my son may never have.

This thought came to me about 10 minutes before Corbin walked in the Christmas parade Tuesday night. One of his best friends in his class is also in cub scouts, so I had the opportunity to meet his mother. Of course I said how much Corbin talks about this other boy and we laughed because her boy does the same with Corbin. Then I suggested that maybe one night they can have a sleep over, either at our house because Corb has a bunk bed or maybe theres... We both agreed this would be great and to exchange numbers. Well the parade started shortly after and we just didn't get around to getting each others numbers.

It wasn't until the car ride home and talking with my mother that the panic set in. "I can't let him stay the night," I said. "who knows if she has a husband/boy friend, or older child, that may be mean, hurt, or touch my baby." My mother quickly agreed and proceeded to recall the days top stories on the news.

A terribly grief came over me of memories my child may never have. But I can't risk the opportunity for predator to find my child. There will not be Friday nights dropped off at a skating rink and then on to a friends house for my child. We are paralyzed with fear....because everywhere there are monsters that prey on innocent children. And the sad thing....the other mother probably thought the same thing....

2 sides of Hope...

For my dear friend...follow the path to a happy heart..."Hope is the worst of evils, for it prolongs the torments of man."
It's easy to see why this quote can sometimes be heartbreakingly true.  The hope that a lost loved one will be returned can almost be crippling.  You weap, but cannot move on.  Empty, but refuse to be filled.  How many times hoping for the phone to ring?  Hoping to see their face-to be welcomed home where you belong. Hope can paralyze.  You can focus on not moving forward in hopes that something will come instead of making it happen. 

But hope can move you forward.  It can make you get out of bed, learn something new, open yourself to be hurt again.  It's the hope for happiness.  The new day.  That first deep breath that ok, I have to get up. I have to pick myself up.  I cannot live this way.  That's hope.  Because you know something will change. 
"Hope is the thing with feathers, that perches in the soul, and sings the tune without the words, and never stops at all."

101 Things I Love...

1. Corbin 2. Scrapbook Pages 3. Quilts 4. Perfume 5. Pizza 6. Sweatshirts 7. the Mavericks 8. PINTEREST 9. taking pictures 10. Modern Family 11. crikket's Cosmos 12. laughing 13. lipgloss 14. the Rangers 15. Candles 16. a soft blanket 17. singing in the car 18. playing video games 19. shopping 20. quoting movies 21. baking cookies 22. getting a pedicure 23. scrabble 24. the rain at night 25. Halloween costumes 26. re-arranging furniture 27. staying in hotels 28. swimming 29. the Rangers 30. picture frames 31. learning a new recipe 32. weddings 33. cuddling w/ my husband 34. giving gifts 35. getting dressed up 36. watching a sad movie 37. pretty lingerie 38. camping 39. family game night 40. Hobby Lobby 41. Emily doing my hair 42. going to concerts 43. birdcages 44. pretty paper 45. reading a great mystery 46. Edward Cullen 47. Christmas decorations 48. back massages 49. flip-flops 50. SCARVES 51. baskets 52. the Cowboys (although sometimes I don't like to admit it) 53. bulldog puppies 54. painting pumpkins with Corbin 55. pianos 56. BREAD (any kind) 57. playing Volleyball 58. Sunday afternoons 59. new music 60. Superhero Movies 61. play wrestling with my husband 62. making people laugh 63. DIY  projects 64. Calvin & Hobbes 65. Mexican Food 66. magazines (fashion, home decor, cooking and scrapbooking) 67. planning a vacation 68. playing blackjack 69. picnics 70. the smell of freshly cut grass 71. sunglasses 72. The Jersey Shore 73. Date Night 74. Sex and the City 75. moscato wine 76. God 77. bubble baths 78. getting flowers 79. going to the beach 80. watching Friends 81. my Husband 82. Banana Pudding 83. sweatshirts 84. cowboy boots 85. getting compliments 86. watching Corbin sleep 87. the Longhorns 88. planning a party 89.  night with the girls 90. laying out by the pool 91. Sale Ads 92. The Holidays 93. breakfast 94. Harry Potter 95. kisses 96. Dr. Pepper 97. napping 98. Shark Week 99. acustic guitar 100. stars and moon 101. Canasta   (list could go on and on)

what do you love? 

If I had 3 wishes...the first would be....

One would be to have a beautiful singing voice.  I've just gotten addicted to Glee...and all I can say is, "Why can't my life be a musical...atleast some days...oh yea I can't sing."  What a bummer to know that even if it was sociable acceptable to just bust out in some random awesome song...I couldn't do it...because I sound like Lucille Ball when I sing.  But I love it.  There's nothing better than driving by myself and hearing Simon Cowell tell me that he's never heard a Cher song sang better.  (I like to pretend I'm on American Idol on these solo car trips...) I mean if I was a mermaid- no prince would fall in love with me because I sing like an angel (an actual angel...not Will Farrell angel).  I wish I had a voice that could make even the hardest heart shed a tear.  I think my son must have inherited my tone-deafness (not sure that is a word...but it makes sense), because he actually likes me to sing him a lullaby at night (To Make You Feel My Love).  I've been singing it to him since he was a baby...so really he doesn't know any better.  I've sang karaoke...and both times I felt like Cameron Diaz singing, "I just don't know what to do with myself"- truly awful.  So, if you are one of those few gifted people - I hope you appreciate your talent.  I know I'm not without gifts...and I'm grateful-truly.  But to sing without dogs whining would be amazing.

If I was rich, I'd be poor....

I don't really think of myself as a greedy person; I'm grateful for my life (son, husband, friends, family, job, house, cable...), but I find myself daydreaming about carefree spending.  You know the kind.."would be so nice to have that chair in my closet" or "those boots would complete my life" or "I'd love to take a trip there"...which makes me think, if I was rich, I would definitely be poor. 

And I wouldn't want to be rich alone.  What good is it to do all the shopping and traveling without your friends.  Thats why, also in my daydreams, if I win the lottery, all of my friends will have their dream jobs.  Of course I'd have a salon for hair, make-up, massage, nails, tanning, maybe even a boutique attached (my friends have great style!).  I'd hire a friend to design my dream house (she wants to be an architect and has a great eye for detail-so then she'd also be interior decorator).  I would open a daycare so those special friends, who are so good with kids, could really make a difference. I'd want to open my own party planning/wedding business   I'd also open a book/scrapbook/DIY store!  This one myself and another friend would run and have so much fun ordering our inventory and setting up classes.  We all would be happy, no worries about calling in because of a sick child and not getting paid.  Or having to deal with an unfair/demanding boss.  They would be their own boss doing what they love.  Who could ask for more?  (give me a few more daydreams--I'm sure I can)...so is that greed or just wishful thinking??

October, November, December....OH MY!!

It's Holiday Season!  (I feel like that kid holding the stuffed animal screaming, "It's so FLUFFY!!!") My favorite time of year.  I'm in a perpetual state of bliss from about mid-October thru the first of the year.  Fall weather, fun costumes, great food, Christmas songs, tree decorating, and wrapping present I bought for loved ones...what's not to love!  Right now we are getting in the Halloween groove.  Jared, Corbin, and I have started painting pumpkins.  We have done 3 Angry Bird pumpkins (and as soon as I figure out how to load a picture on here - you'll see them! But I've been told they're AWESOME! lol).  Corbin painted the pumpkins their solid color and Jared painted the "faces"...I supervised.  Also, got Corbin's costume and the things to make mine.  Corbin is the Red Power Ranger (I know, I know...but its what he wanted...) and I'm going to be Red Riding Hood (Kayla and I bought this AMAZING fabric to do my "cloak"...hopefully I don't mess it up!).  So Yay!!

I'm not overwhelmed...I'm in DEMAND...

It seems after the wedding and honeymoon, that I CANNOT get caught up...with anything!  Work, housework, projects, even friends.  I've always felt a bit ADD...but lately...seriously can't stay focused.  So what have I decided to do??  Why create another project for myself of course!!  With the help of my newest favorite thing (PINTEREST!!) I've printed organizing templates to make a household binder.  Oh its going to be so wonderful and pretty with tabs for cooking, cleaning, shopping lists, and the big TO DO! So while I keep my mantra going in my head (I'm not overwhelmed..I'm in demand...), I'll try not only to finish this project (and hopefully many more), but that I keep up with it and be known hence forth as Super Angela.

The Corner of Reality and.....

What ends that sentence?  make believe? perception? daydreams? disillusionment? life? I'm excited to start this blog to just let my thoughts run free, record some great moments (big and small), and give a little peek into my life. 

Today 10/5/11:
I'm married to the love of my life aka my Mr. Big, my Booth, my Edward, my Noah...I could go on and on.  Basically he's all my favorite fictional male characters rolled up into one.  Then there is the other love of my life. My sweet son, Corbin.  He is my life-constant feeling of what did I ever do to deserve this wonderful little boy.  Thankful for my loving mother who is a beacon of light, always encouraging and giving. I have the best friends.  A handful of truly amazing people that I thank God for putting them in my life. I have a great job, live in a nice house (decorating will be among the many things I post on here b/c it's become one of my newest obsessions!), and basically am that annoyingly happy person.  Which prompted me to create this blog.  I was listening to the radio and a song came on that Crikket told me I had to listen to (Crikket is one of those truly amazing friends I mentioned above...).  This song is of the lay down and cry, speaks to your soul, I'll never be happy again variety.  And I actually had the thought...man...now that I'm married I'll never be able to enjoy these sad songs again.  Hello, my name is Angela and I'm a dork.